


The Heroes

by LilyK



Category: Starsky & Hutch
Genre: Gen, transcript
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-05
Updated: 2021-02-05
Packaged: 2021-03-17 11:41:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29224878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyK/pseuds/LilyK
Summary: Dobey allows a reporter to ride along with Starsky and Hutch in order to study what she calls a “new breed” of cops.
Collections: Starsky & Hutch Original Series Transcripts





	The Heroes


    THE HEROES
    
    Season 3, Episode 8 
    
    Original Airdate: October 29, 1977
    
    Written by: Madeline DiMaggio and Kathy Donnell
    Created by: William Blinn
    Directed by: Georg Stanford Brown
    
    Summary: Dobey allows a reporter to ride along with Starsky and Hutch in order to study what she calls a “new breed” of cops. 
    
    Cast: 
    

David Soul ... Det. Ken 'Hutch' Hutchinson

Paul Michael Glaser ... Det. Dave Starsky

Antonio Fargas ... Huggy Bear

Bernie Hamilton ... Capt. Harold Dobey

Karen Carlson ... Christine D. Phelps

Jerrold Ziman ... Paul Rizzo

Lynn Borden ... Roxy

Madison Arnold ... Karl Regan

Lee McLaughlin ... Al O'Riley

Nick Holt ... Frankie

Patrick Wright ... Tony

Gary Graham ... Freddy

Hope Newell ... Driver

Charlie Picerni ... Larry (as Charles Picerni)

Adrien Royce ... Medical Examiner

Karin Collison ... Rape Victim (as Karin Mary Shea)
    
    
     **Interior – Day – Squad Room**
    
    STARSKY: Look, I'm telling you, it's the only way to go. The way property's going up now, I can double my money.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah, what are you gonna invest with?
    
    STARSKY: We'll take out a loan.
    
    HUTCH: We will take out a loan?
    
    STARSKY: Yeah. You know Yost in Homicide? He did the same thing. Bought a house, sat on it, then turned it over and made a bundle. We could do the same thing.
    
    HUTCH: Starsky, are you asking me to live with you?
    
    STARSKY: No, no, no, no. We're not gonna live there. It's an investment. We get ourselves a little fixer-upper.
    
    HUTCH: Who's gonna do the fixing?
    
    STARSKY: Us.
    
    HUTCH: Starsky, you can't even drive a nail straight.
    
    STARSKY: No, listen. Get a little paint, little plaster, a few shrubs… 
    
    HUTCH: A little roof, a little plumbing.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah, yeah. 
    
    HUTCH: How much you figure this little venture's gonna cost, huh?
    
    STARSKY: I figure that with a loan, we could get it down for about 3 grand.
    
    HUTCH: Each?
    
    STARSKY: No, pooled together.
    
    HUTCH: Where are you gonna find this little house?
    
    STARSKY: Uh, there are different places.
    
    HUTCH: Three grand, huh?
    
    STARSKY: Yeah.
    
    HUTCH: You can't even buy a camper for three grand!
    
    STARSKY: Come on, man. Give it a cha-
    
    DOBEY: Just got the coroner's report on Wells.
    
    HUTCH: Strychnine?
    
    DOBEY: Yeah.
    
    STARSKY: That's the second time this week.
    
    HUTCH: Well, we'd better get the word out somebody's passing bad stuff.
    
    DOBEY: Run that through R&I, check it for similar MOs.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah.
    
    DOBEY: Wells used to work at a meat market on Fifth.
    
    STARSKY: Uh-huh.
    
    DOBEY: There's one more thing.
    
    HUTCH: What's that?
    
    DOBEY: Come on in my office. Let's get it over with.
    
    STARSKY: Hey. 
    
    HUTCH: What?
    
    STARSKY: Keep it under your hat.
    
    HUTCH: What?
    
    STARSKY: The house.
    
    
    **Interior – Day – Dobey’s Office**
    
    HUTCH: Okay, Captain, what is it?
    
    DOBEY: When you check your traps this afternoon, you won't be alone. You're gonna have company.
    
    HUTCH: What?
    
    STARSKY: What?
    
    DOBEY: CD Phelps, columnist with The Dispatch, is gonna be with you.
    
    STARSKY: What's he gonna do with us?
    
    DOBEY: Writing a two-part article. On what he calls "The Counter-Culture Cops:
    The New Breed."
    
    HUTCH: Oh, boy. Look, Captain, we're involved in a couple of possible homicides. Things might get heavy, so why don't you assign this to somebody else, huh?
    
    DOBEY: No way. He requested you. He likes your track record.
    
    DOBEY: Captain, we're talking about the street. We might have to do some arm-wrestling, you know what I mean?
    
    DOBEY: Hey, look, fellas, give me a break, huh? Give me that charming routine for just a couple of days, huh? The department needs to start building a good public relations.
    
    STARSKY: Captain, we don't care what the department needs. Stick this Walter Cronkite in somebody else's back seat.
    
    HUTCH: Well put.
    
    DOBEY: Yeah, I'll be with you in a minute!
    
    STARSKY: No way, Captain. This CD Phelps character is out.
    
    PHELPS: Captain Dobey. I'm CD Phelps.
    
    DOBEY: How do you do, Miss Phelps?
    
    PHELPS: Hello. Chris.
    
    DOBEY: Chris. Well, I suppose introductions would be in order. This is Detective Sergeant Hutchinson.
    
    HUTCH: Call me Ken.
    
    PHELPS: Ken, hello.
    
    DOBEY: And Detective Sergeant Starsky.
    
    PHELPS: Hi.
    
    PHELPS: Hello. 
    
    STARSKY: I'm Dave.
    
    PHELPS: Dave, yes. Oh, I'm looking so forward to working with both of you.
    
    DOBEY: Chris, we may have to change those plans.
    
    STARSKY: Captain, might we have a word with you?
    
    HUTCH: Right.
    
    DOBEY: Yeah, okay. Would you excuse us a moment, please?
    
    PHELPS: Oh, certainly.
    
    HUTCH: Just make yourself comfortable.
    
    PHELPS: Oh, thank you. Yes.
    
    STARSKY: Have a seat.
    
    
    **Interior – Day – Squad Room**
    
    DOBEY: All right, Starsky, what is it?
    
    STARSKY: Well, Captain… I think that if it's just for a few days… I think we can manage it. Don't you think so, Hutch?
    
    HUTCH: Oh, yeah. I don't see any reason why we can't handle it, Captain.
    
    DOBEY: Boy, you guys are all heart.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah.
    
    DOBEY: All right, here's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna take you off everything but the dope. I don't want you to answer in-progress calls. Don't concern yourselves about any case but this particular one. Now, she's very important to us because the department needs a good image.
    
    HUTCH: Oh, yeah.
    
    DOBEY: So show her your best, okay, fellas?
    
    STARSKY: You got it, Captain.
    
    HUTCH: You got it, Captain.
    
    HUTCH: What?
    
    STARSKY: Got something for the breath?
    
    HUTCH: Why? It's a little gamey, isn't it?
    
    STARSKY: Give me that.
    
    HUTCH: Do you mind? You'll get germs all over my freshener.
    
    STARSKY: Here.
    
    HUTCH: Keep it.
    
    
    **Exterior – Day – In the Torino**
    
    PHELPS: I'm not out to do a hatchet job, guys, I'm after a story. Are either of you familiar with my column?
    
    HUTCH: Oh, yeah, sure. The Dispatch.
    
    STARSKY: Oh, yeah. Read it every morning.
    
    PHELPS: Oh, well, that's good. Then, I mean, you know what I'm after. There is a whole new breed of cop out there.
    
    STARSKY: And we're it.
    
    PHELPS: I want my readers to know about you. I want you... I want them to know how... How you perceive crime, how you relate to each other. Uh, I can only do this by first-hand experience. It's the only way I can capture you.
    
    STARSKY: Any time.
    
    HUTCH: That goes for me, too.
    
    PHELPS: Good. That's good. Well, then maybe you can just fill me in here and tell me what you're working on.
    
    STARSKY: Hutch.
    
    PHELPS: Okay, good.
    
    HUTCH: Oh, yeah, uh… Two pushers. Both dead. Strychnine. We're trying to find out the supplier, get the word out on the street.
    
    PHELPS: They're sampling their own stuff?
    
    STARSKY: Yeah.
    
    HUTCH: Well, a lot of pushers are users, that's how they support their habit.
    
    PHELPS: Isn't strychnine hard to come by?
    
    STARSKY: Uh, not in rat poison.
    
    PHELPS: I see. But that was banned.
    
    HUTCH: Well, that's only over the counter.
    
    PHELPS: Oh.
    
    HUTCH: Uh… People's old storerooms, garages, things like that.
    
    PHELPS: I see.
    
    POLICE DISPATCHER: All units near Fifth and Mason, drunk causing disturbance.
    
    PHELPS: That's only a couple of blocks from here.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah.
    
    PHELPS: Well, aren't you gonna answer that?
    
    STARSKY: Oh, we'll let somebody else take care of it.
    
    PHELPS: Oh…
    
    HUTCH: So, Christine...
    
    PHELPS: Chris. 
    
    HUTCH: Chris.
    
    PHELPS: Yes.
    
    HUTCH: Tell me about yourself. Have you been writing long?
    
    
    **Interior – Day – Grocery Store**
    
    STARSKY: Tony? You Tony?
    
    TONY: Yeah. What can I do for you? Oh, what do you want?
    
    HUTCH: Hey, Tony, just a little information. You know a man by the name of Wells? Used to work here.
    
    TONY: Never heard of him.
    
    HUTCH: You're really loaded with personality, aren't you?
    
    TONY: Can't you see I'm busy here?
    
    STARSKY: Hutch?
    
    HUTCH: Yeah?
    
    STARSKY: Would you look at the size of that thing.
    
    HUTCH: The meat?
    
    STARSKY: No. That fly.
    
    HUTCH: Oh, yeah, look at that. 
    
    STARSKY: There's another one.
    
    HUTCH: Catch this one over here. 
    
    STARSKY: He's a big one, too.
    
    HUTCH: Missed. Now, what do you think we ought to tell the Health Department about that, huh?
    
    TONY: All right. So Wells worked here a short time.
    
    STARSKY: Our Galloping Gourmet's got a tongue. What do you know about him?
    
    TONY: He was a hype. Found out he was pushing stuff on the side, so I let him go.
    
    STARSKY: When?
    
    TONY: Two or three months back.
    
    HUTCH: Where did he get his stuff?
    
    TONY: Hey, hey, hey, no way am I messed up in that.
    
    STARSKY: What about friends? Did he hang out any place?
    
    TONY: Ah, there was some place… I think they called it O'Riley's. He used to shoot pool down there. Enough, huh? I got work to do.
    
    HUTCH: Thanks, Tony. You've been a big help.
    
    STARSKY: Prime cut.
    
    
    Exterior – Day – City Street
    
    STARSKY: Anybody hungry?
    
    PHELPS: You gotta be kidding. After that?
    
    STARSKY: A man's gotta feed himself.
    
    HUTCH: Well, what did you have in mind? Watch this. 
    
    STARSKY: Well, you name it. Chinese, Russian, French, Italian, Japanese.
    
    HUTCH: How about an apple?
    
    STARSKY: How about I'm buying?
    
    HUTCH: How about French?
    
    STARSKY: How about a hamburger?
    
    PHELPS: How about I'm dieting.
    
    STARSKY: Oh.
    
    STARSKY: You're not really hungry, are you?
    
    HUTCH: Forget it, will you. She's more my type.
    
    STARSKY: Five dollars says she isn't.
    
    HUTCH: You got yourself a bet. Ah, let me help you.
    
    PHELPS: Oh, thanks.
    
    HUTCH: Be careful of this. Don't drop it. Yeah. Right. Okay? Fine.
    
    STARSKY: Thank you. You are coming?
    
    
    **Exterior- Day – In the Torino**
    
    HUTCH: Shall I roll up my window? Is it too much on you? Too much wind?
    
    PHELPS: No, no, I like it.
    
    HUTCH: Oh, so do I. You know, you have beautiful hair.
    
    PHELPS: Thank you. Thank you. 
    
    STARSKY: Your column's not bad either.
    
    
    **Interior – Day – Southern Hotel**
    
    ROXY: Who is it?
    
    STARSKY: Us, Roxy. Starsky and Hutch.
    
    HUTCH: Roxy. Oh, it's Okay, she's with us. On assignment.
    
    ROXY: Oh. Lucky lady. Well, what are you standing there for? Come on in. Let's have a party. Guys, ladies...
    
    STARSKY: Okay.
    
    ROXY: You know, you could be bad for business.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah.
    
    STARSKY: Well, we don't want to spoil your action, Roxy. Just wanted to ask you some questions.
    
    HUTCH: Sorry, pal.
    
    JOHN: Yeah.
    
    ROXY: You know, I could do better. Well, what can I get you? Maybe some coffee or some tea… Oh, God, I don't have any coffee. I don't have any tea. How about a glass of water?
    
    STARSKY: How about an aspirin?
    
    ROXY: Well, what can I do you for?
    
    HUTCH: You had a friend, didn't you, named Wells?
    
    ROXY: Jimmy? Yeah, he used to hang out downstairs. What about him?
    
    STARSKY: He OD'd.
    
    ROXY: Well, lucky for me he was an old customer.
    
    PHELPS: A man is dead, you're gonna joke about it?
    
    ROXY: Hey, look, we gotta get our laughs where we can get 'em. And we all got our own bad habits. What are you coming to me for?
    
    STARSKY: Wells got hold of some bad stuff. It was cut with strychnine.
    
    ROXY: Oh, yeah?
    
    HUTCH: We thought you could tell us who he bought from.
    
    ROXY: Well, uh, he used to deal with Eddie Lobo.
    
    HUTCH: Lobo's doing time, you know that.
    
    ROXY: Well, then, after that, he just started shopping around. You know, everybody, anybody, whoever could supply him. Uh... Then he just stopped coming in.
    
    HUTCH: Well, look, you hear anything, you contact us, huh?
    
    ROXY: Yeah, sure. 
    
    HUTCH: Okay. Pass the word.
    
    ROSY: Hey, Hutch?
    
    HUTCH: What?
    
    ROXY: Business hasn't been too good lately.
    
    STARSKY: Come on.
    
    PHELPS: No, wait.
    
    HUTCH: Here. Here, get yourself something pretty.
    
    ROXY: Hey, why don't you come back sometime, off duty? It's on the house.
    
    HUTCH: Well, I'm afraid my catechism teacher would have a fit.
    
    
    **Exterior – Day – Hamburger Stand**
    
    HUTCH: Hmm.
    
    STARSKY: Say, ya...
    
    HUTCH: Hmm?
    
    STARSKY: Don't you think that we ought to start sharing the driving responsibilities?
    
    HUTCH: Why? Your car. I'm just trying to figure out what's going on in her head.
    
    STARSKY: I don't know. Mm. But I sure like where her legs are.
    
    HUTCH: Oh, come on, Starsky, what's the matter with you? Here I am trying to understand the core, the complexity of her personality. And all you can talk about
    are legs? Come on.
    
    STARSKY: Did you notice the way she slides into the car?
    
    HUTCH: Pure… grace.
    
    PHELPS: What about this Roxy?
    
    STARSKY: Well, what about her?
    
    PHELPS: She's a hooker.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah.
    
    PHEPS: You said she uses, maybe even pushes.
    
    STARSKY: That's right.
    
    PHELPS: Well, why do you allow her to operate?
    
    STARSKY: Well, the same reason we allow… Off the record, it's the same reason we allow a lot of people to operate: we need them.
    
    PHELPS: In other words, it's okay to break the law as long as you're useful.
    
    STARSKY: Well, that's not exactly-
    
    HUTCH: It's not exactly what he meant. You can turn that back on. We need our link to the street. Look, today's informants are tomorrow's suspects and arrestees. But right now, they serve a better purpose right where they are.
    
    STARSKY: Hutch.
    
    HUTCH: What?
    
    HUTCH: Oh, boy. Sorry. There's always someone to louse up your lunch.
    
    HUTCH: No kidding.
    
    LARRY: Oh, my back! I can't move. My leg, I think it's broken. Oh, my God! I can't move it.
    
    DRIVER: What shall I do?
    
    HUTCH: Lady, it's gonna be all right.
    
    DRIVER: Tell me what to do.
    
    HUTCH: It's all right, lady. I'm police.
    
    STARSKY: Well, well, well.
    
    DRIVER: Are you out of your mind?
    
    HUTCH: Lady… 
    
    DRIVER: The man is in pain!
    
    LARRY: What do you think you're doing?
    
    STARSKY: Depositing my drink.
    
    HUTCH: This man is what's known is an insurance swindler. Now, he ran out in front of your car on purpose. He's okay.
    
    STARSKY: Larry, the Fall Guy. Takes a better dive than the Flying Berninis. Get up.
    
    LARRY: Yeah, all right, all right. All right, all right, I'm up.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah. Well, the next time you take a tumble, make it the freeway.
    
    LARRY: It'd be a lot safer.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah, it probably would.
    
    STARSKY: Okay, folks, you can break it up, the excitement's all over. Go back about your business, everything's fine, everything's cool. Take it easy.
    
    DRIVER: I don't believe it.
    
    HUTCH: I know. He's an awful man, terrible man. Look, are you gonna be all right to drive?
    
    DRIVER: Yeah.
    
    HUTCH: And, uh...
    
    STARSKY: The Police Department is taking care of everything.
    
    HUTCH: If you have any other problems, you just give us a call down at the station, huh? I'm... I'm… Ah, Starsk?
    
    STARSKY: What?
    
    HUTCH: Nothing.
    
    STARSKY: See the way she's checking me out?
    
    HUTCH: She's looking at me.
    
    STARSKY: Want to up that wager, huh?
    
    PHELPS: These two think that they are a couple of real heroes. Real heroes.
    
    
    **Exterior – Day – Police Parking Lot**
    
    HUTCH: Hey, here, let me give you a hand.
    
    PHELPS: Well, it certainly has been interesting. I may sort through this and come up with a story.
    
    STARSKY: Dry mouth.
    
    HUTCH: Oh, yeah, I'm thirsty, too.
    
    STARSKY: You know, I just had a good idea.
    
    HUTCH: What's that?
    
    STARSKY: Well, you know what would be really scrumptious? Would be one of those drinks in the pineapple, you know, with the umbrella on top.
    
    HUTCH: Oh yeah. With the straw. You forgot the long straw.
    
    STARSKY: With the long straw. Sounds good.
    
    HUTCH: Quenching.
    
    PHELPS: Oh, quenching. But, listen, I'm sorry, I've got a lot of work to do. I'll just have to see you in the morning.
    
    HUTCH: Ah, that's a shame. 
    
    STARSKY: Rain check.
    
    HUTCH: Rain check.
    
    HUTCH: That's a shame. Sun's out.
    
    STARSKY: I know.
    
    HUTCH: Wonder what she's going home to.
    
    STARKSY: What do you mean?
    
    HUTCH: Well, nobody works that hard.
    
    STARSKY: Think she lives with someone?
    
    HUTCH: I don't know, maybe. Sure would like to know more about her. Uh hm. 
    
    STARSKY: Me, too. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
    
    HUTCH: 978-IJZ.
    
    STARSKY: DMV.
    
    
    **Interior – Day – O’Riley’s Bar**
    
    
    ROXY: I did a lot of favors for you. A lot. And I'm just a little short right now.
    
    REGAN: Then you've got two bad habits. You come up short too often.
    
    ROXY: Oh, please, Regan. I've gotta have it. I've gotta have it now.
    
    REGAN: Well, you don't get what you need. You get what you can pay for. No money, no stuff.
    
    ROXY: Yeah, but... Look, I… I've got some deals, some people, some buyers.
    
    REGAN: You've been using more than you've been selling.
    
    ROXY: Regan, please. Look, I swear, I'll get the money. I'm good for it, you know I-
    
    REGAN: Lately, you haven't been good for anything.
    
    CUSTOMER: Al, how about a couple more beers?
    
    O’RILEY: It's coming! What do you think you're doing?
    
    ROXY: I swear, Al, nothing. I didn't take nothing.
    
    O’RILEY: Remember what I told you?
    
    ROXY: Look, Regan just cut me off. I need the money.
    
    O’RILEY: Don't come to me for your fix!
    
    ROXY: Oh, please, Al. Just a loan?
    
    O’RILEY: Look at yourself. You're a mess.
    
    ROXY: Please, I'm begging you. I'm begging you, please. Please, Al.
    
    O’RILEY: Customers aren't asking for you like they used to, Roxy. Straighten up! Or you're gonna lose the room upstairs, too!
    
    
    **Interior – Night – Squad Room**
    
    HUTCH: (on phone) Uh-huh. Oh, yeah? Okay, I got it. Thanks a lot. Right. (end)
    
    STARSKY: What'd they say?
    
    HUTCH: Who?
    
    STARSKY: DMV. Department of Motor Vehicles.
    
    HUTCH: Oh, not much. She's married.
    
    STARSKY: Hm? Married?
    
    HUTCH: Yeah. Well...
    
    STARSKY: Don't spill your coffee.
    
    HUTCH: Born November 12th. Right?
    
    STARSKY: Oh... Scorpio.
    
    HUTCH: 26 years of age.
    
    STARSKY: That's a beautiful age.
    
    HUTCH: Right-
    
    STARSKY: "Not married."
    
    HUTCH: Really?
    
    STARSKY: That's what it says.
    
    HUTCH: She's too sharp for you anyway.
    
    STARSKY: Why don't you put your money where your mouth is.
    
    HUTCH: I just don't want to take advantage of you, that's all.
    
    STARSKY: Oh? Well, look, why don't you mark that ten up to about twenty, hm?
    
    HUTCH: Some people never learn, do they? Take good care of that.
    
    DOBEY: You guys still here?
    
    STARSKY: Paperwork, Captain.
    
    DOBEY: Yeah. How's it going with Christine?
    
    STARSKY: Fine.
    
    HUTCH: Fine.
    
    DOBEY: Fine? Well, I'm going home. By the way, Starsky, a savings and loan company called, checking on your credit. You gonna buy something?
    
    STARSKY: Yeah. Hutch and I are gonna buy a house together.
    
    HUTCH: Wait a second. He's buying the house.
    
    DOBEY: Anyway, talk to Yost. He may be able to give you some tips.
    
    DOBEY: Goodnight, Starsky.
    
    STARSKY: Night, Cap.
    
    DOBEY: Goodnight, Hutch.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah…
    
    
    **Exterior – Day – Police Parking Lot**
    
    HUTCH: Morning!
    
    PHELPS: Good morning. I see you don't go in for racing stripes.
    
    HUTCH: Oh, you mean that little beauty? No, I don't do car shows.
    
    PHELPS: Good morning, Dave.
    
    STARSKY: Good morning, Chris. Oh! Oh! Scorpio. Huh?
    
    PHELPS: That's right. That's amazing. That's absolutely amazing.
    
    STARSKY: Never miss.
    
    PHELPS: Huh.
    
    HUTCH: Jive chump.
    
    
    **Exterior – Day – In the Torino**
    
    STARSKY: Well?
    
    HUTCH: Um... I thought you said it was a fixer-upper.
    
    STARSKY: It's got possibilities. What do you think? Well?
    
    HUTCH: I think we ought to get out of this neighborhood before we get mugged.
    
    
    **Interior – Day – O’Riley’s Bar**
    
    FREDDY: Rack 'em. It's my break. Bottle of beer. You seen Roxy around? Where is she?
    
    O’RILEY: Probably hiding. Her rent's due. Roxy? Roxy!
    
    
    **Exterior – Day – In the Torino**
    
    POLICE DISPATCHER: Zebra 3, Zebra 3, come in, please.
    
    HUTCH: Zebra 3, go ahead.
    
    POLICE DISPATCHER: Dead body, possible overdose, O'Riley's, Third and Jefferson.
    
    HUTCH: We are responding.
    
    
    **Interior – Day – Southern Hotel**
    
    POLICE ME: About 1.30.
    
    HUTCH: Strychnine?
    
    POLICE ME: Looks like it. It wasn't heroin. The death was too violent. There were signs of convulsions.
    
    STARSKY: It's too bad. She had a tough life.
    
    HUTCH: Not very pretty, is it?
    
    PHELPS: You know, maybe if you'd pulled her in when you could've, this wouldn't have happened.
    
    HUTCH: Maybe.
    
    
    **Interior – Day – O’Riley’s Bar**
    
    HUTCH: Where are you going? Stick around.
    
    FREDDY: Four ball in the side.
    
    HUTCH: The shot's the six ball in the corner pocket. Thought you were in the slammer, Freddy.
    
    FREDDY: I'm out on parole. Later, cop.
    
    HUTCH: What do you know about Roxy?
    
    FREDDY: I don't know a thing. 
    
    HUTCH: Try to make a break.
    
    FREDDY: Hey, take it easy, will you? But I already told you, I don't know nothing!
    
    STARSKY: Hey, mind if I borrow that? All right, boys and girls, school's in session! Take a seat! Now, the name of the game is "Show and Tell". You tell us what we want to know, and we show you how we feel about it. Come on out, Popeye. At-ta-boy. Now, boys and girls, I want you to lend your ears. We want to know who amongst you responsible citizens has seen Roxy in the past couple of days.
    
    FREDDY: Knowing Roxy, it was probably some kinky john.
    
    HUTCH: You keep laughing, you're gonna eat it. I'm talking about smack cut with strychnine.
    
    STARSKY: Now, look, we're not saying that anybody around here is dealing. But we are saying that one of you saw Roxy with somebody yesterday. Here, let me. And it comes to this: Either we get the testimony we want, here and now… or you can try to breathe in a 6-foot-by-8-foot cell with ten other dudes with elephant breath.
    
    PHELPS: You know those guys?
    
    FRANKIE: Everybody on the streets know these punks.
    
    PHELPS: They're police officers, aren't they?
    
    FRANKIE: They think they're a bunch of kings or something. They come in here and try to take over the joint.
    
    HUTCH: What was that, Frankie? Now, we know Roxy was in here yesterday. Who was she with? All right, you got 20 seconds. 
    
    STARSKY: And counting! 19, 18, 17, 16, 15... 
    
    HUTCH: You name it or you'll wish you had!
    
    STARSKY: 14… When did you get out, Frankie?
    
    HUTCH: Frankie, my partner's talking to you.
    
    FRANKIE: Don't push me. 
    
    STARSKY: Frankie does not want to be pushed! Okay, maybe the people here would like to know what you went in for. Even this crowd would call it low. Hutch.
    
    HUTCH: Well, Frankie was doing time=
    
    FRANKIE: All right! All right! So I saw Roxy. She was with some bimbo. Big deal.
    
    STARSKY: Who?
    
    FRANKIE: He didn't tell me his name.
    
    STARSKY: Al, you know everybody who comes in here, don't you?
    
    O’RILEY: I'm no snitch and you know it, Starsky.
    
    STARSKY: You got enough violations to close this place for 6 months. And a year, if I'm mean. Who was she with, Al?
    
    HUTCH: Come on, Al.
    
    O’RILEY: Regan. Now get out! 
    
    STARSKY: Karl Regan?
    
    O’RILEY: Yeah. He cut her off. I caught her with her hands in my register.
    
    STARSKY: She scored somewhere. 
    
    HUTCH: Maybe Regan changed his mind.
    
    PHELPS: Could you drop me at my car? I have a deadline to meet.
    
    HUTCH: Sure.
    
    PHELPS: Good.
    
    STARSKY: You've all been very cooperative. We'll drop in another time.
    
    
    **Interior – Day – Squad Room**
    
    STARSKY: Good morning.
    
    HUTCH: Think so, huh?
    
    STARSKY: Mm-hmm.
    
    HUTCH: Bet's off. She's all yours.
    
    STARSKY: Oh. The Dispatch.
    
    HUTCH: Read it, it's lovely. "Popeye tactics,  hot-dog car, long hair." Nicest thing she had to say about us was "belligerent".
    
    STARSKY: I don't believe it.
    
    HUTCH: You don't believe it, huh? Want to hear some of the prize quotes? I've got them committed to memory. "Does bravado and belligerence hide behind a badge?”
    
    STARSKY: "Two days now, I've witnessed leisurely police work.” "Calls being ignored, and literally seen harassment of the innocent.” "This is the new breed?  Case in point-”
    
    HUTCH: "Two undercover policemen who, for the time being, we'll call-”
    
    STARSKY: "Mutt and Jeff"?
    
    
    **Interior – Day – Dobey’s Office**
    
    DOBEY: (on phone) I know it. I know that! Look, there's a difference. Well, she's trying to sell newspapers, and we're trying to close a case. And don't try to tell me how to run my office! (end) 
    
    HUTCH: What's that, Internal Affairs?
    
    DOBEY: Yeah. They found out who Mutt and Jeff are.
    
    STARSKY: "Don't answer any calls. Stick to this one case."
    
    HUTCH: Some image, huh? Couple of screw-ups.
    
    STARSKY: Problem, is, she's right, that's exactly what she saw.
    
    DOBEY: Look, I'm not any happier about this than you are.
    
    STARSKY: She's using us to entertain her readers. I want her out of the car right now!
    
    HUTCH: You bet!
    
    DOBEY: Then you're playing right into her hands. Her column's syndicated, she's got a large constituency. Readers are just waiting for the next article to come out. 
    
    HUTCH: Sure they are. For a good laugh, she's got a great flair. 
    
    DOBEY: I've already spoken to the commissioner. There's nothing I can do about it. She's in until the next article's out.
    
    STARSKY: Then we're gonna show her some real public relations.
    
    
    **Interior – Day – Squad Room**
    
    HUTCH: Thanks for the hurrah.
    
    STARSKY: You're really something, lady.
    
    PHELPS: I just call them as I see them.
    
    STARSKY: What you saw was censored. Now you're gonna see the real thing.
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - In the Torino**
    
    POLICE DISPATCHER: Zebra 3, Zebra 3, suspect Karl Regan has been spotted driving north on Crestline Road. Handle Code 3.
    
    REGAN: Hey, look,
    
    HUTCH: Spread 'em!
    
    REGAN: That stuff Roxy got, it wasn't mine. Don't get excited. I got nothing on me.
    
    HUTCH: Look at that wad.
    
    STARSKY: Fancy that.
    
    HUTCH: Good day, huh, Regan?
    
    REGAN: Look, you guys got no right to do this. I'm not holding.
    
    STARSKY: Now you're talking about rights, huh? Is that what you're talking about? What'd you do? You swallow it? Well, we got ways to find out.
    
    REGAN: No, no, look, I swear, you guys. I swear I didn't give Roxy nothing,honest. Look, she called. Told me she had some buyers. When I got there, she didn't have the money. Honest, you can ask Al, he knows, he saw me there.
    
    STARSKY: Word has it you're passing down to high schools. Now, you bend your ear, Regan, and you listen real good! If I catch you within five miles of one of those places, I'm gonna smear you and your rights all over the street! You understand?
    
    REGAN: Yeah.
    
    STARSKY: Good.
    
    HUTCH: That goes for me, too.
    
    STARSKY: Want to get in?
    
    PHELPS: Boy, you like to be rough on everyone, don't you.
    
    HUTCH: Oh, that's great, coming from you.
    
    PHELPS: Look, can we just get this out in the open now, okay?
    
    STARSKY: Okay, shoot.
    
    PHELPS: You know, I write a commentary on the times. That does not exclude the police department. There were no names mentioned in that article, and there were no lies written either. It is all subjective to my point of view.
    
    HUTCH: Where do you get off writing a commentary about something you know nothing about?
    
    PHELPS: Look, I can defend my actions. Can you? I was there when you ignored those calls for absolutely no reason. I mean, where do you get off? You play games and then you play cop, and where do you get off using needless violence and harassing people you don't have enough evidence against to bring in?
    
    STARSKY: Now she screams brutality!
    
    HUTCH: You're out of your field, Christine. You see, we work on the streets. Not behind a byline...
    
    STARSKY: Maybe you don't understand what's going on here! You see, there's a joker out there that's playing with strychnine, huh? He's just waiting for another victim. He's probably making a deal right now. Now, you think that we use excessive violence. That's fine. Why don't you tell us just how much violence is necessary to stop him? Okay. Please.
    
    POLICE DISPATCHER: All units. All units in the vicinity of Lincoln and Sobel. Woman being attacked at abandoned construction site.
    
    HUTCH: Zebra 3, we are responding.
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - Abandoned Site**
    
    VICTIM: No.
    
    PHELPS: Oh, my God. Are you all right?
    
    **Interior - Day - Squad Room**
    
    PHELPS: You mean, you are gonna let him go?
    
    STARSKY: We're not gonna let him do anything. She refuses to sign the crime report.
    
    PHELPS: You mean, a rapist is just going to walk out of here?
    
    STARSKY: Look, she insists he didn't harm her.
    
    HUTCH: Without the victim's cooperation, the DA probably wouldn't even file. Wouldn't stand up in court.
    
    PHELPS: I was a witness. I was a witness and so were you!
    
    STARSKY: It doesn't work that way, Christine.
    
    PHELPS: It doesn't work that way? You know, that is exactly what I'm talking about. You guys throw around some pool player for information, and you handle a rapist with kid gloves. What is with you guys?
    
    STARSKY: All you do is talk! We're the ones that gotta work with these laws. I am sick to death of listening to you lay your guilt trip on us! What do you think, we enjoy it? If the girl refuses to press charges, there's nothing we can do about it.
    
    PHELPS: She is scared! Let me talk to her.
    
    HUTCH: We have a trained staff for that, lady.
    
    STARSKY: What do you want from us?
    
    PHELPS: Maybe a little more sensitivity.
    
    HUTCH: Just cool down, will you, Starsk?
    
    STARSKY: Well, what is it with her? What is her problem?!
    
    HUTCH: Just don't let her get to you. She's only got one more day. Besides that, we've got more important things to worry about, right?
    
    STARSKY: Right.
    
    HUTCH: Huh?
    
    STARSKY: Yeah.
    
    HUTCH: Right.
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - Hamburger Stand**
    
    PHELPS: Could I have a hamburger and a cola, please?
    
    STARSKY: What's happening?
    
    HUTCH: What've you got?
    
    HUGGY: I swear, looks like the word is out.
    
    STARSKY: What do you mean?
    
    HUGGY: A dope dealer, who prefers to remain anonymous, got sick from a buy he made. Decided to take a taste first. I think he said he got his goods from a guy named Rizzo.
    
    STARSKY: Rizzo? Sounds familiar.
    
    HUTCH: Oh, yeah. What was that homicide about a year ago? What was the girl's name? Lori Rizzo, a junkie. Her pusher's doing time now.
    
    STARSKY: Thanks, Hug. Let's check it out.
    
    HUGGY: She packs a mean one, huh?
    
    HUTCH: Yeah. Made us a couple of real celebrities. Take your time, we're in no hurry.
    
    PHELPS: Oh... Thanks a lot.
    
    
    Interior - Day - Squad Room
    
    HUTCH: (on phone) Lady, you know how long I've been on hold? Yeah. All right, all right. (pause) I don't believe this.
    
    PHELPS: Hello, Captain.
    
    DOBEY: Hmm. What you got?
    
    HUTCH: (on phone) Yes, I'm still here. (pause)
    
    STARSKY: Guy named Rizzo. We're trying to connect him with a homicide. Girl by the same name.
    
    HUTCH: (on phone) Yeah? Yeah. Well, look, just get us a photo and a current address, right away, please. Thank you. (end) Lori Rizzo had a brother, Paul. He's been in and out of mental hospitals ever since her death. He's out of one right now.
    
    
    Exterior - Day - In the Torino
    
    HUTCH: Should be that building on the left.
    
    STARSK: Stay in the car.
    
    PHELPS: I signed a waiver. You're not responsible.
    
    STARSKY: Have it your way. Just don't get in ours.
    
    HUTCH: Starsky...
    
    PHELPS: That's him. Look, that's him!
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - Russ Hotel**
    
    RIZZO: Hold it! Come on! Move! Stay away! Stay away!
    
    STARSKY: I'll go round. 
    
    HUTCH: Go! Rizzo? Listen to me. We don't wanna hurt you. We just wanna help.
    
    RIZZO: You leave me alone!
    
    HUTCH: Rizzo, listen to me.
    
    RIZZO: You stay away! You're just like the others!
    
    HUTCH: What others?
    
    RIZZO: The ones who hurt my sister. They paid for it! I'm glad they're dead!
    
    HUTCH: We know why you did it. We just wanna help.
    
    RIZZO: They got her on that stuff. And they killed her with it.
    
    STARSKY: Rizzo. 
    
    RIZZOO: Don't do it.
    
    PHELPS: Shoot him! Shoot him! Shoot him! Shoot him! Shoot him! Shoot him! Shoot him!
    
    STARSKY: You see? I don't wanna hurt you. Why do you wanna hurt me?
    
    RIZZO: I have to. Those people, somebody's gotta stop them. They deserve to die.
    
    STARSKY: Lori wouldn't have wanted that.
    
    RIZZO: They killed her. Those pushers… They killed my little sister. They killed-
    
    STARSKY: I know.
    
    PHELPS: Why...? Why didn't you shoot him?
    
    HUTCH: It wasn't necessary.
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - In the Torino**
    
    STARSKY: So what's new with Mutt and Jeff?
    
    HUTCH: Just give me a second and I'll find it. Oh, here it is. Look at this, they've got pictures and everything. "The Heroes."
    
    STARSKY: Yeah!
    
    HUTCH: "It's the story behind the story which is often the most significant. So today I'm not writing about Mutt and Jeff. I'm writing about two men named Starsky and Hutch."
    
    STARSKY: Not bad.
    
    HUTCH: "Though their methods sometimes seemed unorthodox and their antics overzealous, they get results. That is not an easy task, having to work within the confines of the law." Huh. "So, after more observation, I found this new breed of cop to be educated, caring and rational."
    
    STARSKY: She liked me. Well... she liked you, too. Well, here we are!
    
    HUTCH: Here we are where?
    
    STARSKY: Our house. This is it. Some surprise, huh? Whoo!
    
    
    **Exterior - Day - Derelict House**
    
    HUTCH: Let me get something straight here.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah.
    
    HUTCH: You took our money...
    
    STARSKY: Uh-huh.
    
    HUTCH: ...and you put a deposit on this?
    
    STARSKY: We really got a deal.
    
    HUTCH: I thought you said it was a fixer-upper.
    
    STARSKY: It is.
    
    HUTCH: The only way you'll fix that up is to tear it down.
    
    STARSKY: Oh, now, come on, don't be so negative. Come on, now. Take a look. It's got potential.
    
    HUTCH: Where?
    
    STARSKY: Well, use your imagination. A coat of paint, a few shrubberies. A new set of steps.
    
    HUTCH: I don't believe it. I don't believe it! You know, you might as well have bought a camper!
    
    STARSKY: Ah, well… It's nothing a little nail wouldn't fix.
    
    HUTCH: Or a back brace. Starsky, so help me, if I get up off this ground...
    
    STARSKY: Wait, wait a second. Wait, wait, wait a second. Now, look... Tell you what, I'll throw in a lawn.
    
    END


End file.
